Self-image, Self-confidence and life in the bedroom

I have about as much personal self-confidence and positive self-image as you can have without being a narcissist. When I walk through any room my shoulders are squared, my head is held high and regardless of my current circumstances I’m fairly sure I’d rather be me than any other person on earth.

Over the course of my life I have been 120 pounds of athletic but skinny teenager, 148 pounds of near solid muscle as a Marine and fitness competitor, a pasty white 30 something tipping the scale at nearly 300 pounds and over the last couple years a 140 pound middle aged dynamo thrilled to be able to tell people I was nearly 50 just so I could see their astonishment.

Which is why I find it so ironic that I can point to just about any time over those five decades and show you more than one aspect of my body I hated. And yet as I teasingly said to my personal trainer today “I can get laid any day of the week if I choose, the only difference might be the type of men who are attracted to me.”

But if you’ve read my last post or were to get to know me, you’d quickly learn I’m the only one allowed to criticize my appearance and never have I “settled” because I thought I wasn’t worthy of attention. The first time I got married I weighed 145, the second time 235 and neither time was my physical appearance the defining characteristic of our relationship.

So how amazing is it that as women we are too often cheated out of some of the best moments of our intimate relationships because of our own self-loathing or nitpicking about our bodies? How often have our partners tried to show us how attractive and sexy they found us only to be completely rebuffed? Or if we did relent to being touched the experience was less than stellar for either party.

The fact is, we are all turned on by different things and except in the most shallow of encounters is it strictly physical beauty. What if instead of looking at what we dislike we chose to focus on what we do like? Or even better don’t focus on anything and just abandon ourselves to the pleasure of being desired? Realize that just as we aren’t picking our partner to pieces neither are they doing so to us. Let go of the anxiety and enjoy being touched, loved and appreciated for exactly who you are at this moment. It might very well open up a world of possibilities you never considered.


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