Sex is a topic that fascinates me. More than once I’ve been driving down the road and wondered how many people were having sex at that very moment (not including violent offenses). To be fair it fascinates just about everyone. Sex is the driving force somewhere behind damn near every non-strictly business encounter we have and frankly even some of those “business” encounters have some element of sex in the darkest recesses of our brains.
Look at our country’s current presidential election as well as how many times even some of our most successful or respected leaders (Kennedy/Marilyn Monroe, Clinton/Monica Lewinsky) have been embroiled in allegations or outright overt acts of sexual misconduct. How many crimes are committed or prosecuted daily with sex as the motivator?
And yet it occurred to me this morning that if the survival of the human race were dependent on a female climax we would have been extinct centuries ago.
While that might seem like a pretty unimportant distinction in the grand scheme of things consider this: We have an overwhelming divorce rate, way too many of the couples who are together are not enjoying life in the bedroom like they could and a significant number of trollers on dating and hook-up sites are married or attached claiming to be “happy, but…”.
I admittedly and unashamedly have had more sexual encounters than average. And yet after 35 years I could probably still count using my existing fingers and toes the number of times I have climaxed with a partner even fewer of those being in my preferred method. I realize in part that’s because for years I either didn’t know what I wanted or didn’t know how to communicate it. But there are two additional factors of great significance. There are assuredly men who simply don’t care if the women they are with are satisfied, but furthermore as women our lack of communication can lead to our male partners walking away with an incomplete and overblown idea of their sexual prowess.
I’m in no way suggesting it isn’t possible to have an enjoyable and even on some level satisfying experience without the “big O” but too many times a few well placed audibles from the woman without proper context and men are led to think they are sexual gods instead of simply mildly enjoyable flashes in the pan. Again if true female satisfaction had to happen for us to survive we are to put it bluntly “screwed”.
And unfortunately popular media and possibly even pornography (although I can’t really say as I don’t indulge there) only further perpetuate the myth that all is as it should be. But once in a while someone will tackle the subject. Sometimes it is humorous as in the case of a “Friends” episode (youtube link below). Other times it is a darker take such as in “CSI Miami” Season One episode seven “Breathless”.
My question then is this: If sex is so important that it drives love, business and violence and if varying degrees of dissatisfaction at home is behind so much of the infidelity and divorce then why are we not talking about it in a more open and honest fashion?